International Survivors of Suicide Day

Join us on Saturday, November 22, at 1:00pm for healing and support. Suicide survivors and mental health professionals will share hope and encouragement for those who have lost someone to suicide. 

We will meet at the Chase Tower, 9th floor, at 600 S. Tyler in Amarillo, Texas.

Register by clicking here!

Helping Others Through Grief

It's hard to watch someone grieve without wanting to "fix" it. We just want to make their pain go away. We search for words or actions that will make them better, but nothing seems to do the trick.

Our best intentions aren’t good enough. Why? Because you can’t fix grief. The grieving person isn’t a squeaky doorknob or a broken fence. When things break, we can fix them, but when a person is broken, it takes more than WD-40 and a power tool.

There are some things we can do, however. If you are close to someone who is grieving and you don’t know what to do, try these:

·      Be quiet. Giving advice, telling your own story, and sharing information are not helpful. A grieving person needs people who are willing to listen if they want to talk, or who can just “be there” if they don’t want to be alone.

·      Be supportive. If a grieving person wants to talk, allow them to say anything they want to say. If they want to laugh, laugh with them. If they want to cry or scream, allow them to do so. If they want to go to the grave, let them. If they want to search for answers, give them permission. Romans 12:15 says, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."

·      Be patient. They aren’t on your timetable. They won’t “get better” when you want them to. They won’t deal with it they way you would. No matter how hard it is for you, allow them to experience the slow process of grief.

·      Be second. Don’t take over unless they want you to. They are hurting, but they are still in charge of their own lives. Don’t speak on their behalf or make any decisions for them without their consent.

The best thing we can do for someone who is grieving is to allow them to grieve in their own way and according to their own timetable. Our job is to love them as we walk beside them. It may not be comfortable for us, but it will help them tremendously.

No Two Alike

Don't worry if your family or friends respond to the suicide differently than you do. By now you've probably heard it said, "We all grieve differently." Of course we do. No two people think alike or look alike, so no two people are going to grieve alike.

Some cry.
Some don't.

Some make jokes to hide the pain.
Some believe laughter is offensive while grieving.

Some read everything they can find.
Some need time before they can seek help.

Some talk to anyone who will listen because it helps them sort their thoughts.
Some withdraw so tightly into themselves that others find it difficult to approach them.

Some people do all of the above.
Some may be completely different.

When suicide grief is new and fresh, it may be all we can do to get out of bed and take a shower. Over time, however, we might be able to go to work, talk to others, look at photo albums, admit our feelings, go back to church.

Grief has no destination. It's not a fixed point on a line graph, but rather a 3D sphere that rolls where it rolls. Within the course of a day, it can roll from joy to tears to anger to numbness and back to joy.

Allow yourself time and grace.
Do the same for those around you.

Even if you don't understand someone else's way of grieving, don't dismiss their grief as wrong. Be patient with them as well as yourself. Your stress level will be a lot lower if you remove your expectations and just...grieve.